Almost the End

So this group dynamics class has brought a lot of shit up for me. It has amplified what I don't like about myself.

I get so mad at people who I think are trying to sabotage the group with their bitching. I get mad because they just bitch without having any solutions or anything positive to add. They are like psychic phantoms sucking the life out of everyone and ensuring that nothing good happens. How do I deal with people like this in the future? How do I not let myself get so invested in other people's bad behavior.

I am disappointed in myself, I was unable to lead the group. I don't think anyone could have. I wanted to save the day. I just wished that I had more influence in the group. I don't know what about me makes people not want to listen to what I have to say or follow me. I'm frustrated by my lack of power. I certainly have the guts to stand up for myself, why can't I be someone that people listen to. I feel like everything I say falls on deaf ears, or gets twisted and misunderstood. It's like people have a predisposition to ignore/reject me. It makes me so frustrated that I act out and try too hard and look like a fool to get attention. I need to figure out what I am doing that drives people away.

The ideal person I want to be:

1) secure
2) calm, even keeled- even the smallest things won't make me upset.
3) Less sensitive- so other people don't bother me and I don't take everything so personally.

Why do I take everything so personally? Why do I have to get so mad that other people suck? Why does that personally offend me?